tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-51683591062483274582024-03-06T12:02:59.766-08:00I am living with anxietySome thoughts about living with anxiety and what works for me in my recovery journey.Doughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15199636855968206146noreply@blogger.comBlogger120125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5168359106248327458.post-37105038239842764642015-07-11T03:42:00.005-07:002015-07-11T03:42:54.828-07:00Texting anxietyTexting is a part of daily life for many of us. It can be a quick and convenient way to communicate. It can also be a source of anxiety.<br /><br />One of the "unspoken rules" of texting is that you don't have to immediately reply. Just like an e-mail message, it's understood that you'll respond when available, unlike a phone conversation. However, we often apply expectations about how long it should take for a person to reply and, when they fail to do so, become anxious. <br /><br />Such reactions are normal and commonplace. For nervous people, however, this anxiety can precipitate into a working-up process if one isn't vigilant.<br /><br />For example, I recently had a wonderful date. We seemed to enjoy our company and have a lot in common. When I sent a follow-up text expressing my enjoyment, I didn't receive a reply right away. <i>OK</i>, I thought, <i>no biggie</i>. Then some hours went by without a reply. I started to work myself up. My heart began to race a bit. My mind started to whirl: <i>Does this person not like me? Did I do something wrong? Did I text too early?</i> Admittedly, such reactions are average, and I acknowledged that. I also spotted that if I continued this line of thinking, I was at risk of ruining my day. After all, these were just my <i>feelings</i> about the situation, not the <i>facts</i>. I decided to practice objectivity by taking my mind off the situation by working in the yard. And a few hours later I did indeed receive a text back. <br /><br />Nervous people will find themselves being anxious in everyday situations just like everyone else. These trivialities of everyday life, however, can spiral into larger worrying unless we spot them and practice our Recovery training. Doughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15199636855968206146noreply@blogger.com119tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5168359106248327458.post-73921010319384777052015-05-12T16:04:00.002-07:002015-05-12T16:04:43.682-07:00Doing 'what we fear and hate to do'Last week I traveled to England for work. It was my longest flight, with about seven hours in the air between New York and London. I had never been on a larger plane (a 767), and I had never traveled outside of the United States (except for road trips to Canada). <br />
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I was nervous before leaving--not only because of the flight, but I would be in a new country. I excused instead of accused myself, recognizing that any person would be anxious in such a situation. Instead of working myself up, I worked the situation out by conducting online research about what to expect when traveling to the UK. I acknowledged that anticipation is often worse than realization.<br />
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There were some uncomfortable moments during my travels, but by not allowing my fears to take control I was able to get through the experience--and even enjoy my time there. I endorsed myself for challenging myself and tackling my uncomfortable symptoms. <br />
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When nervous people are faced with a new or unexpected event, our usual reaction is to respond that "I can't do that" or "I won't do that." Yet a person in Recovery recognizes that obligations need to come before inclinations--in my case, traveling internationally when I'd prefer not to because I would be uncomfortable. And when we do things that we "fear and hate to do," we can be surprised and delighted about how much we can do, even when we are anxious. Doughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15199636855968206146noreply@blogger.com45tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5168359106248327458.post-78695165201001396652015-04-15T15:31:00.003-07:002015-04-15T15:35:28.952-07:00Handling distressing thoughts<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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These thoughts might be scandalous, lurid, heretical, or otherwise distasteful.
They certainly don’t reflect their personalities or perspectives, yet they
arrive unexpectedly and cause distress.<br />
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These thoughts are common for anxious people and should not be a source of
shame or fear. A person might worry that he/she might say these thoughts aloud
in a meeting, during prayer, etc., but that would never happen, as Dr. Low reminds
us that the muscles always respond to the commands of the brain (unless there
is an underlying medical problem). These thoughts bother us so much because we
<i>fear </i>that we will say or do things we don’t want to; we’ve essentially lost
trust in ourselves.</div>
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Yet these are just thoughts—some random neural energy that
most people would immediately dismiss. Anxious people tend to ruminate on these
distressing thoughts, giving them power and permanency, leading to greater
distress. But Dr. Low says that thoughts and impulses can be controlled, and a
feeling of being out of control doesn’t mean you really are out of control. </div>
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I find that such thoughts become problematic when I’m
particularly stressed. I might fear, for example,
that I’ll write a cuss word in an e-mail or drop an f-bomb during a
presentation (who isn't a little stressed while standing in front of a room?). Neither of these would happen, of course, without me actually
making them happen, but being overall stressed seems to weaken our rationality,
leading us to overanalyze random thoughts that pop into everyone’s head every
day. </div>
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My Recovery training teaches me that when I encounter such
thoughts, I can dismiss them as distressing but not dangerous. My muscles will
respond to my commands, and feelings that certain things might happen are certainly
not facts. I embrace these secure thoughts and think about something else. If I move onto something else, usually these feelings will dissipate quickly, and even if they stick around I can take comfort in the knowledge that such symptoms are average for a nervous person. </div>
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Distressing thoughts can be a source of great shame for an anxious person, but don't let these normal occurrences sidetrack your recovery. </div>
Doughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15199636855968206146noreply@blogger.com31tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5168359106248327458.post-59735554168462240962015-03-14T10:37:00.000-07:002015-03-14T10:37:26.208-07:00Pops, pings, and zips<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</xml><![endif]-->Zips. Pings. Buzzes. Pops. Tingles. <br />
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Our bodies can produce a lot of weird sensations. Whether
your eyes are blurry, your ears are popping, your hand is tingling, or you feel
some “zips” in your head, every so often all of us feel something a bit strange. To most people, they’re just a passing curiosity. </div>
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To anxious people, however, they can be alarming. </div>
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We obsess over what these sensations could mean. Imminent
health issues? Life-threatening tumors? We jump to conclusions with little
evidence. Of course, any prolonged symptom should receive medical evaluation.
Yet even if we are reassured everything is fine by trained experts, we continue
to worry. The fear can become overwhelming. Just the thought of the symptoms
can produce the symptoms themselves! </div>
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Dr. Low and Recovery remind us that feelings and sensations
cannot be controlled, but thoughts and impulses can be. This is sage advice
when dealing with symptoms that are distressing, but not dangerous (if told so,
of course, by a medical professional). </div>
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For example, sometimes I have strong tingling sensations in
my right foot. This occurs usually when I’m stressed for one reason or another.
I then focus on the sensation, annoyed at its occurrence, fearful of what it
could mean, and thereby intensifying the symptom. I become panicky, as not only
does my foot tingle but my breathing becomes shallow and my thoughts reel. This
can happen dozens of times in a week. </div>
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Yet I’ve found relief by simply acknowledging that, hey, I
have a little distressing sensation, and I know that there’s nothing physically
wrong. It will pass. Feelings are not facts, and this distressing—but again,
not dangerous—sensation will pass. And it always does, usually when I focus on
something else and forget about it. </div>
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Medical experts continually expound on TV that we shouldn't ignore our bodies. If you think something is wrong, definitely see a doctor, or two if necessary. But when trained mental health and physical health professionals reassure us that nothing is physically wrong, we need not feel ashamed or embarrassed. Indeed, why not feel overjoyed? Dr. Low and Recovery tell us that thoughts and impulses can indeed be controlled, and over time by not giving power to distressing, but not dangerous, symptoms they will fade away on their own. </div>
Doughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15199636855968206146noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5168359106248327458.post-1338033471411546192015-02-14T10:16:00.003-08:002015-02-14T10:19:05.183-08:00A frustrating day, but a rational responseToday has been frustrating. I bought a utility cabinet to assemble, only to discover it was missing a piece. <i>OK</i>, I thought, <i>no need to become upset over this. I'll do something else</i>. So I decided to complete my taxes. After gathering my paperwork, I realized I was missing one of my documents. I tried to go online to access it, only to find the Internet was down. <br />
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Argh. <br />
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When we're stressed, we grow tense, and when we become tense, we often become anxious. The muscles across my chest were tight. My mind was racing. And I was not in the best of moods. <br />
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Before my Recovery training, I wouldn't have recognized that I was in jeopardy of my emotions getting out of control. I would have brewed, boiled, and found myself anxious. Everything would have irritated me. Obsessions would return. It would not be a good day. <br />
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Instead, I've spotted what's going on. This situation is frustrating but not dangerous. Frustrations like this occur throughout everyone's day. I can take rational steps to deal with these frustrations: I'll call the store and ask if I have to return the entire cabinet or if I can just pick up the missing piece. I'll gather what paperwork I have for my taxes, and wait for the rest to arrive by mail. I'll find something else to do while the Internet is down, such as writing this blog.<br />
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I'm disappointed my day didn't work out as planned, but that's no reason to let anxiety and anger rule my day. Doughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15199636855968206146noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5168359106248327458.post-90253753495807808532014-12-21T07:32:00.002-08:002014-12-21T07:37:16.926-08:00Doing the thing I fear and hate to doThis year I was on more than 75 airplane flights. I travel
more than any of my family or friends, perhaps even among my co-workers. I’ve
been as far west as Seattle and as far east as Miami—and had a five-and-a-half-hour trip between the two.<br />
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Throughout these experiences, I have had symptoms: racing
thoughts, imagination on fire, heart palpitations, blurry vision, sweating,
loose bowels—classic anxiety. Yet I did not let this stop my travels. At times
I was extremely uncomfortable, but I would remember Dr. Low’s words that
comfort is a want, not a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">need</i>. I
never truly was in any danger. </div>
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Perhaps the tool I used most frequently was that “feelings
are not facts.” I might have felt that the turbulence was intense, that the
take-off wasn’t quite right, that the plane was in jeopardy, but the reality of
the situation was always quite different. The facts were clear: I was usually
experiencing normal turbulence and, at times, feeling panicky for no reason at
all. </div>
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Next year promises the same level of travel—perhaps more. I
have fantasized about telling my boss I “can’t” fly, that the symptoms are
simply too intense. But I recognize that the only way to maintain self-esteem
and overcome symptoms is to do the thing I fear and hate to do. Feelings and
sensations cannot be controlled, but thoughts and impulses can be. I can
control my impulse to not fly again, and I can continue to change my thoughts
using Recovery tools to replace insecure thoughts with secure ones. </div>
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Thus, I’m going to give myself a hearty endorsement for
practicing Recovery in such uncomfortable circumstances this year. Feeling
anxious on a flight is not a failure—we endorse for the effort, not the
outcome. In years past I might have indeed told my boss that I can no longer
travel by plane, but a life chained to anxiety is not how I plan to live. </div>
Doughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15199636855968206146noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5168359106248327458.post-64836353463405859062014-10-13T17:06:00.001-07:002014-10-13T17:06:42.637-07:00Embracing an active, not passive, recoveryLately I have been reflecting on the concept of leadership
in mental health. When we’re anxious, it’s easy to adopt a “woe is me”
attitude. We often turn to others for comfort. In my case, I would ask my loved ones the same
questions over and over, seeking some sort of relief while irritating those who
only wanted to help. I thought medications alone would
quickly relieve my symptoms—I was quickly disappointed. <br />
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In essence, I was adopting a passive attitude toward my
mental health. I was hoping that outside forces, whether they be friends,
family members, therapists, or pills, would relieve my symptoms and make life
more bearable. </div>
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What I didn’t realize then, but I learned later in Recovery, is that
anything meaningful in life takes effort and will power. We celebrate high
school and college graduations because it takes hard work to achieve those
goals. We don’t wait around for a promotion; to advance, we have to talk to the
boss about why we deserve greater pay and responsibility. With something as
important as our mental health, we can’t assume that things will simply get
better or that others can transform our lives.</div>
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The path to sound mental health begins with self-leadership.</div>
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On this point, Dr. Low was clear. For our symptoms to abate,
we must <i>practice </i>Recovery techniques to improve our lives. I emphasize the word
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">practice</i> because information alone
doesn’t lead to meaningful change. You can read about improved mental health
all day long, but you will not get well until you practice techniques, deal with
uncomfortable feelings and sensations, and learn to control thoughts and
impulses. To do this demonstrates self-leadership.</div>
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The concept of leadership has been enormously empowering in
my Recovery journey. All the tools for wellness are right with me all the time,
and I have the power to improve my life. Friends, family members and, in some
cases, medications can certainly be important adjuncts to one’s own Recovery
practice. Yet to truly embark on an active Recovery, on the path to wellness,
one must embrace self-leadership, let go of a passive attitude, and embrace
change, despite the road bumps one might encounter along the way. </div>
Doughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15199636855968206146noreply@blogger.com35tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5168359106248327458.post-58823247933762867982014-08-17T08:31:00.000-07:002014-08-17T08:31:13.642-07:00When you absolutely positively ultimately have no control whatsoeverNervous people like to be in control, or at least think they are in control. We don't like change. We crave stability and knowing that everything is <i>just </i>the way we want, or like, it. <br /><br />I'm no exception, and this weekend has been taxing for me.<br /><br />I have been planning a large event in St. Louis for more than a year, and it takes place next weekend. Recent events in Ferguson have caused me to have sleepless nights, racing thoughts, and feelings of dread. My stomach has been jumpy for days. I fear no one will show up, that my event will be a failure, and that I will be blamed.<br /><br />Being in Recovery, however, I also must acknowledge that I have absolutely, positively, ultimately no control whatsoever over what is going on there. I am taking an exaggerated sense of responsibility, as I, or anyone else, could never have anticipated what happened. <br /><br />By checking my e-mail and the news frequently, I have been trying to give myself a sense of control, but these activities only heighten my anxiety. To protect my mental health, I must recognize that I am powerless in this situation. <br /><br />As Dr. Low would remind me, although I feel helpless, the situation is not hopeless. The conference is still a week away. Recent events have proved that the the situation can change quickly, sometimes for the worse, but sometimes for the better. Our event is more than 20 minutes away from Ferguson, and my fears that no one will show up is a reflection of imagination on fire rather than reality.<br /><br />The next few days are going to be uncomfortable. I can't change my feelings or sensations, but I do have control over my thoughts and impulses. By applying realistic thinking I can temper panic and not overreact to news events. I need to keep busy, keep positive, and deal with events as they happen, as anticipation is almost always worse than realization. <br />Doughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15199636855968206146noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5168359106248327458.post-90513107733230303792014-07-19T09:31:00.001-07:002014-07-19T09:32:03.471-07:00Another airline tragedy--putting it into perspective<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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about the plane being shot down over Ukraine. As a nervous person and someone
with a history of a fear of flying, I responded to the tragedy perhaps more
severely than many people.<br />
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My imagination was on fire, as we say in Recovery. I fly
frequently, and I found myself wondering what it must have been like for those
tragic souls onboard that flight. I talked to several co-workers about my fear
of flying. I was working myself up into a frenzy.</div>
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I soon realized that in order to protect my mental health, I
would need to distance myself from the news coverage. Avoiding hearing more
about the tragedy will be difficult in the coming weeks, but I’ve decided to
not focus on or obsess over the situation. I acknowledged that talking about my
fear of flying with my co-workers did nothing but upset me—I got goose bumps,
my eyes became blurry, and my breathing became shallow.</div>
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These symptoms are average for me after an airline disaster
and, to put the situation in perspective, I don’t have them often, as such
tragedies are quite rare. I’m also providing myself with secure thoughts, acknowledging
how exponentially safer flying is than driving, for example. I can’t control my
feelings and sensations, but I certainly can control my thoughts and impulses.</div>
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Flying is part of my job—there’s no way to avoid it, and I
wouldn’t want to. I enjoy seeing new places and meeting new people. This rare
tragedy is causing me discomfort, but through my Recovery training I am able to put
such feelings into perspective. My heart goes out to the families of the
victims, but obsessing over the situation will certainly not help anyone. </div>
Doughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15199636855968206146noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5168359106248327458.post-20603706272901083982014-06-07T16:04:00.000-07:002014-06-07T16:08:27.716-07:00Addressing 'woe is me' and 'why me' thinking<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</xml><![endif]-->Everybody has good days and bad days. When people with
anxiety have bad days, we tend to fall into a “woe is me” and “why me”
attitude. Maybe we let ourselves perform a compulsion over and over we know we
shouldn’t have. Maybe we lacked the effort to not spot symptoms and correct our
behavior. Maybe we are exhausted from a stressful week compounded with
anxiety. Living with anxiety can be a struggle at times and, coupled with the
usual daily stressers, it can be easy to fall into despair over continuous
symptoms.<br />
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When I find myself feeling this way, I remind myself that
questions about why I have anxiety usually don’t lead anywhere useful. After
all, Dr. Low tells us that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">everyone</i>
has anxiety, but we “nervous people” tend to feel the effects more acutely and
more frequently, and we have a tendency to overreact to distressing—but not
dangerous—feelings that most people dismiss. As anxiety sufferers, we have a
chronic condition, not likely to disappear overnight and likely requiring
lifelong management. </div>
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When days seem dark and times tough, I like to adopt Dr. Low’s
emphasis on being a leader in addressing one’s symptoms. Instead of rolling
over, lamenting my lot in life, and letting symptoms get the best of me, I
decide it’s time to double down, take control, and remind myself that feelings are
not facts. Feelings and sensations cannot be controlled, but thoughts and
impulses can be. “Woe is me” thinking is indeed under my control. I look back
on all I’ve done, endorse myself for my achievements toward a healthier
life, and recognize that sometimes there are setbacks—but setbacks do not reset
my progress. </div>
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Sure, from time to time I get discouraged. But taking what
Dr. Low calls the “total view” allows me to put everything in perspective. “Woe
is me” and “why me” thinking focuses only on the past. This is a partial view
that doesn’t benefit me. Taking the total view, recognizing my progress and
projecting a long-term healthier outlook, I feel re-energized and rejuvenated.
Yes, I’ll have bad days, and there will be times when I wish all of my anxiety
would just go away. But recognizing I am taking a leadership role in my own health,
that life is so much better now that I endorse myself for continuous spotting
and practicing Recovery, recharges me and provides me with an overall broader, healthier,
and optimistic view on the days ahead. </div>
Doughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15199636855968206146noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5168359106248327458.post-43588651013744322532014-05-03T07:40:00.000-07:002014-05-03T07:40:27.932-07:00Tingling sensation--distressing, but not dangerous<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</xml><![endif]-->People with anxiety sometimes have weird sensations.
Tingling, throbbing, pinching—we often suffer with these “intolerable”
symptoms, which we describe as zips, pings, heat, freezings, and other words
that will be familiar to a lot of my readers.<br />
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Lately I’ve had the return of an “old friend” sensation.
When I drive, I feel like pins are sticking into my foot. It’s a tingling,
vibrating sensation, sometimes throbbing, and definitely uncomfortable. The
trigger is no surprise—I have a new car, and when I bought a new car years
before I had the same symptoms. When I drive a rental car, I don’t experience
this sensation. I suppose that’s no surprise, because at the root of the
problem is my fear that I didn’t make the right choice: Did I buy the right
car? Did I make a mistake? Should I have waited for a better deal? And so on. </div>
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To cope, I’ve continuously reminded myself of Dr. Low’s
wisdom: Feelings and sensations cannot be controlled, but thoughts and impulses
can be. Telling myself that these are simply anxious reactions does help, but I
admit sometimes I feel defeated by the symptoms. It can be exhausting to deal
with distressing, but certainly not dangerous, symptoms all day. </div>
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Over time, through continuous spotting and endorsement, I
know these symptoms will abate. They did before, and they will again. There’s
nothing physically wrong. Before Recovery, I would have complained about this
symptom to anyone who would listen, ask friends to drive the car to check for anything
wrong, take the car to the dealer to ask them to find a problem, and so on.
Now, with Recovery, I’m better equipped to handle these symptoms, and I am
confident things will improve soon.</div>
Doughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15199636855968206146noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5168359106248327458.post-75601881084093885692014-04-19T09:56:00.001-07:002014-04-19T09:56:50.893-07:00Recovery training takes time and effort<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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That may seem obvious, but in our fast-paced world people
crave the easy way out. The Internet is flooded with advertisements for pills
and potions, techniques and trainings, “guaranteed” to quickly abate nervous
symptoms. </div>
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But these problems don’t develop overnight, and they won’t
disappear that quickly, either.</div>
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However, that doesn’t mean there isn’t reason for hope. In
Recovery we continuously remind ourselves that the discipline of sticking with
the Recovery method leads to a path of wellness. Reading Dr. Low’s books or
attending a few Recovery meetings will not lead to instant symptom relief. Yet
Dr. Low reminded us that anything worth doing won’t be easy. Overcoming
distressing symptoms takes time and effort—if it didn’t, we wouldn’t have these
problems in the first place.</div>
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Recovery is about continuous practice—endorsing along the
way no matter what the outcomes. After a short time, things will get better—any
sort of cognitive training will have the same result. Recovery’s focus on a continuously
applied method, regular attendance at meetings, and frequent spotting builds
the character and discipline needed to face and overcome our fears. In many
ways, the mechanics of the Recovery method, just going through the motions so
to speak, can lead to improvements. </div>
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When I started this blog years ago, I was at a point in my
life where I felt I “couldn’t take anymore” and that I needed instant relief
from my distressing symptoms. Recovery taught me that such thinking, on both
counts, is unrealistic, and that with continuous practice I will get better. Recovery
may not be the quickest way to a better life, but I believe it is the surest. </div>
Doughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15199636855968206146noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5168359106248327458.post-88382268145830066402014-03-09T10:12:00.000-07:002014-03-09T10:14:37.342-07:00The important distinction between feelings and factsRecently I was speaking to someone about his fear of flying.
To help him to begin to spot distressing symptoms, I reminded him of Dr. Low’s sage advice
regarding troubling sensations:<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“[Y]our feelings are not facts. They merely pretend to
reveal facts. Your feelings deceive you. They tell you of danger when there is
no hazard, of wakefulness when sleep was adequate, of exhaustion when the body
is merely weary and the mind discouraged. In speaking of your symptoms, your feelings lie to
you. If you trust them, you are certain to be betrayed into panics and vicious
cycles.” (1)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In my friend’s case, there is no value to worrying about a
plane crash when he senses turbulence. What he <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">feels</i> has no bearing on what <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">is
actually happening</i>.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our culture tells us to trust our feelings, trust our gut,
and to act on our feelings. But those in Recovery know better. Feelings and
sensations cannot be controlled, but thoughts and impulses can be, Dr. Low tells us. If we allow
ourselves to be swept up by emotions, we will be at the mercy of rising and
falling tides of anxiety and anger. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Better to look for the facts of a situation and respond
accordingly. We might feel our hands need to be washed, rewashed, and washed
again, but the fact is our hands our clean. We might feel that we need to
check, double check, triple check that the stove is off, but the fact is the
burners are not ignited. We may worry that bumps while flying signify imminent
doom, but the fact remains that we are not aviation experts and that such
situations are normal. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And in light of the disappearance of the recent Malaysia Airlines flight, we might feel that means air travel is dangerous, but the fact is that traveling by plane is exponentially more safer than by car. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Feelings are not facts” is one of my favorite Recovery tools,
and I’ve written about it previously. Like all good tools, it bears repeating. The
next time you find yourself in a distressing situation, ask yourself if<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>you are responding to feelings or facts, and
remind yourself that there is an indeed an important difference.<br />
<br />
Reference<br />
1. Low AA. Mental Health Through Will-Training. 3rd ed. Glencoe, Illinois: Willett, 1997;118. </div>
Doughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15199636855968206146noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5168359106248327458.post-15804002612635368982014-02-01T09:15:00.002-08:002014-02-01T09:16:06.466-08:00Car troubles--not a reason to panic<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</xml><![endif]-->Talk about a frustrating week.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On Sunday I went to start my car, but all I heard were a
series of clicks. The next day I was flying out of town for business, so I had
to arrange a ride to the airport and a tow truck to take the car to the repair
shop. The tow truck dropped off the car across the street from the repair shop;
I had to call back and have it towed across the street for $45. Turns out it
was the battery. A couple hundred dollars later, I discovered when I returned
home that my muffler was hanging low—my muffler brackets had snapped. What I
thought might be a quick weld repair turned into a much more expensive job. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Argh. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Throughout the entire experience, I remained relatively
calm. Before Recovery, I would have been in a full-blown panic. With my
Recovery training, however, I’ve become much more of a realist. Cars break
down. Multiple things can go wrong. These sort of problems are average for an
older vehicle. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And among all of the things that can go wrong in daily life,
this is certainly a triviality—an expensive triviality to be sure, but not
something to risk my mental health.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Among the tools Recovery teaches its members is the mantra,
“Expect frustrations every five minutes and you won’t be disappointed.” To
someone not trained in Recovery language, this may seem pessimistic. Yet when
experiencing a series of unfortunate events, such thoughts help keep me
grounded and in control of my emotions. </div>
Doughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15199636855968206146noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5168359106248327458.post-50179362010363197362013-12-22T13:26:00.003-08:002013-12-22T13:29:21.801-08:00The importance of a holly, jolly holidayThis is a stressful time of year, for all of the obvious
reasons. Amid all of the holiday hustle and bustle, and the resulting anxiety,
I find it useful to remember one of Dr. Low’s most innovative concepts: Humor
is our best friend; temper (that is, fear and anger) is our worst enemy. <br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Fearful symptoms, of course, are no laughing matter, but sometimes
it’s helpful to step back for a moment and consider just how ridiculous our
fears can be. I used to fear leaving the toaster plugged in, worried that it
could lead to a chain reaction resulting in my house burning down. Hmm, don’t
hear about homes exploding in flames from toasters every day, though! Some of
us will check, double check, and recheck to make sure the doors are locked, as
if checking one more time really will satisfy us. We might worry endlessly
about an upcoming presentation, of course convincing ourselves all the while
that we are the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">only</i> people who have
such fears. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dr. Low advises us to be realists and, in doing so, to
recognize that our fears are not based in logic and facts. He notes, in fact,
that feelings are not facts. We take ourselves too seriously, often as those
around us simply shake their heads at our ungrounded fears. Although we crave
sympathy, there is definitely value in taking stock of our symptoms and
recognizing that some of the things we are afraid of can be downright silly. Some
anxiety-causing situations (for example, divorce, death, and job loss) are
certainly not laughing matters, but Dr. Low notes that these problems often do
not have as paralyzing of an effect on our lives as the everyday trivialities that
feed most of our symptoms. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is not to say that the symptoms generated by trivialities
don’t have a profound effect on our lives but, as Dr. Low so wisely pointed
out, finding the humor even amid a flare of anxiety can help reduce its impact,
providing us with a release to calm down. After all, we know how powerful a
good laugh can be in changing our immediate outlook. To that end, I recently
stumbled across a blog titled “<a href="http://www.buzzfeed.com/erinlarosa/problems-only-anxious-people-will-understand">26 problems only anxious people will understand</a>.”
This tongue-in-cheek post from BuzzFeed might just bring you a few chuckles and
make the upcoming days a little more bearable. </div>
Doughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15199636855968206146noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5168359106248327458.post-29835908567585539462013-11-17T10:41:00.003-08:002013-11-17T10:41:48.723-08:00I was once scared of a toaster<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Once upon a time, I was scared of a toaster.
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My fear was that if I left the toaster plugged in, there was
a chance that the toaster could start on its own, that this
strange-but-true-automatic-starting toaster would catch on fire, that the
toaster would start a conflagration, that the entire house would burn down.
Therefore, I always checked, double checked, and rechecked that the toaster was
unplugged. I might put the toaster in my car when I went shopping just to
ensure it wasn't plugged in. My mind buzzed with the possibilities, however
unlikely, and a simple household appliance caused me much misery. For nervous
people, this probably doesn't sound too bizarre, as anxiety and obsessive-compulsive
disorders often lead us to do some pretty strange things in retrospect.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Recovery helped me through these feelings. I learned to
become a realist. Dr. Low taught me that anticipation is often worse than
realization and, especially, that feelings are not facts. I spotted my reaction
as distressing but not dangerous. I decided I would no longer unplug the
toaster, thereby "doing the thing I feared and hated to do," as we
say in Recovery language. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Over time the urge to unplug the toaster decreased and, when
I felt the need to check it, I relied on my Recovery training. In fact, the
other day I noticed that my roommate had unplugged the toaster, and I promptly
plugged it back in. At this moment I realized how much progress I have made
since I started this blog in 2008 and my Recovery training and 2009, and for
that I'm giving myself a hearty endorsement.</div>
Doughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15199636855968206146noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5168359106248327458.post-81184999296493961742013-10-19T04:19:00.002-07:002013-10-19T04:20:32.697-07:00Handling disappointmentsSometimes things just don’t work out the way we want them
to. <br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For example, a project I have been toiling over at work is
not yielding the desired results. I’ve invested many hours in it, including
many after the normal business day is over. Despite my best efforts, I can’t
seem to make the progress I want. I was working myself up over this situation:
I wasn’t sleeping much; my mind was racing; my mood was sour; and I felt quite
dismal.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Just recently I spotted that I am trying to be exceptional,
a condition Dr. Low warns us to not try to attain. I have an exaggerated sense
of responsibility to this project. Although the results are disappointing, I
must acknowledge that the situation, on balance, is average: Not every project
I work on will have stellar results. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am practicing internalizing these concepts, and for that I
am endorsing. I understand them intellectually, but my perfectionist streak
pushes back. I am reminded of the everyday saying of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good</i>. Although this
situation is disappointing, Dr. Low would remind me that such everyday
trivialities are never “dangerous.” With this in mind, I am finding some peace
in the situation. </div>
Doughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15199636855968206146noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5168359106248327458.post-42157804722537938622013-09-07T05:29:00.000-07:002013-09-07T05:29:55.233-07:00Airplane in trouble? Feeling or fact?<i>Feelings are not facts.</i><br /><br />It's easy to forget this nugget of wisdom from Dr. Low when your heart is racing; your mind is cloudy; and your vision is blurry. Our bodies react--make that <i>over</i>react--to some situations. In the heat of the moment, it's hard to deny that what we are experiencing is real. The symptoms are, of course, real, but the <i>reality </i>of the situation may be quite different.<br /><br />For example, this week I was on a short flight. The plane experienced some very light turbulence, and instantly my heart began pumping hard; my breathing became shallow; and I was "certain" the plane was in trouble. That's what my <i>feelings </i>were telling me, after all.<br />
<br />
A quick look around the cabin showed otherwise. Flight attendants continued serving drinks. Other passengers continued to snooze. In other words, my feelings about the situation did not reflect the facts.<br /><br />Dr. Low reminded us that feelings and sensations cannot be controlled. They'll rise and fall on their own, and there's no use trying to stop them. However, our thoughts and impulses can be controlled, and they will always respond to our commands. So instead of working myself up about having anxious symptoms, I reminded myself that feelings are not facts and decided to read a magazine article instead of focusing on my bodily symptoms. Within minutes I had forgotten about the few bumps in the air, and my body calmed down. <br /><br />Out of all of Dr. Low's teachings, "feelings are not facts" may be one of the most powerful tools he shared. The next time you find yourself worked up in either fearful or angry temper, remember this short but powerful saying. Doughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15199636855968206146noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5168359106248327458.post-68204550178577020322013-08-22T17:12:00.000-07:002013-08-22T17:12:17.238-07:00How Recovery changed my lifeI have been blogging since 2008, but many of you may not know my back story. Discovering the teachings of Dr. Abraham Low was a life changer. I recently wrote about my journey with anxiety for LivingWithAnxiety.com. You can view the story at <a href="http://www.livingwithanxiety.com/share/anxiety/discovering-relief-dougs-complex-journey-with-anxiety-0">http://www.livingwithanxiety.com/share/anxiety/discovering-relief-dougs-complex-journey-with-anxiety-0</a>. Doughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15199636855968206146noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5168359106248327458.post-48664279593571486982013-08-11T08:28:00.002-07:002013-08-11T08:28:32.875-07:00Overcoming a shopping fearNervous people can find even the most mundane tasks distressing. One I recently encountered was a visit to a clothing store. This retailer uses commissioned sales clerks, and usually when I arrive I am immediately "confronted" by a salesperson. I feel pressured, awkward, and overall uncomfortable.<br />
<br />
On this occasion I had $200 in gift certificates about to expire, and I wasn't going to let my fear prevent me from spending them. I planned on going on a Saturday, and days before I felt tense and anxious. My mind clouded and I had a sense of dread. In retrospect, I was hardly being realistic (which I discussed in a <a href="http://iamlivingwithanxiety.blogspot.com/2013/06/the-importance-of-being-realist.html">previous post</a>).<br />
<br />
When Saturday arrived, I continued to work myself up, but I decided to "do the thing I feared and hated to do." Instead of making this store the last stop on my Saturday shopping trip, I decided to go to the store first. I reminded myself it's not how I feel but how I function that matters, and I encouraged myself to not work up the situation in the preview.<br />
<br />
When I arrived I was immediately engaged by a saleswoman, but she was courteous and helpful. Then minutes later I left the store beaming--I used my gift cards and, more importantly, I didn't let my fear interfere with my everyday life. That was worthy of a hearty endorsement! Doughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15199636855968206146noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5168359106248327458.post-58672928102060528272013-06-23T07:25:00.001-07:002013-06-23T07:25:43.304-07:00The importance of being a realist<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</xml><![endif]-->Nervous people live in either the past or the future. When
we are in lowered tones, we live in the past, rehashing what was, what could
have been. When we are in fearful temper, we agonize over the future, over what
may transpire.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I often find myself worrying about what lies ahead. I fear a
plane crashing, a major change at work, a loss of income, a serious illness—all
potential future events. Dr. Low would remind me that finding peace involves
living in the moment, not working up a situation in the “preview.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dr. Low also emphasizes <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">realism.</i>
A realist doesn’t fret over major life disruptions that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">realistically</i> have little likelihood or that are unavoidable at any
rate. For example, a realist acknowledges that, yes, all of us will die
someday, but he doesn’t spend his life worrying about how that could happen. A
realist doesn’t try to predict the future and finds happiness and inner peace
by living in the moment.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For nervous people, being a realist is challenging. But when
I stop and simply listen to the wind or my cat breathing I instantly feel
relief from being able to relieve myself, even momentarily, of the immense
burden of trying to worry about—and ultimately trying to control—the future.
Being a realist takes practice, and I have a long way to go. Yet simply
acknowledging the value of living in the present certainly reflects more
realistic thinking.
</div>
Doughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15199636855968206146noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5168359106248327458.post-3707821505956266592013-04-30T16:42:00.000-07:002013-04-30T16:42:21.798-07:00A night at the movies with RecoveryLast weekend I went to the movies with a friend. When we entered the theater, I experienced a little anxiety. We nervous people often become tense when there are many choices, and we have a tendency to work up even trivial situations, such as selecting the "best" seat in the house.<br /><br />We chose one location, but I thought it was not ideal, as it was near the aisle. I suggested we move to a more central position, which we both agreed was better. As the previews began I heard a baby whimper behind me. That's when I began to work myself up. <br /><br />I felt a mixture of anger and fear. I was angry that someone would bring a child to a movie that, although not "adult" oriented, was not a film marketed to young kids. How <i>rude</i>, how <i>inconsiderate</i>, I thought. I wanted to move but also feared that the family behind me would consider <i>me </i>rude and inconsiderate for displaying my displeasure. For a moment I did not know what to do. I felt my heart beginning to race.<br /><br />I then realized any decision would steady me, as Dr. Low suggests. I decided that the seats were still in a great location and that the baby was not being too loud. In fact, to my amazement the child was very quiet throughout the movie (Dr. Low reminds us to not work up a situation in the "preview"). In fact, a couple of his outbursts were a bit comical given what was going on onscreen. <br /><br />A few days later, I realized that I overcame my fearful and angry temper by not allowing the situation to spiral into a vicious cycle. Yes, this was a triviality, but these everyday occurrences, not life's real emergencies, are what usually give us the most symptoms. I endorsed for being group minded to my friend and the people around me. Recovery served me well during a night at the movies. Doughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15199636855968206146noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5168359106248327458.post-5737677859638220052013-03-19T16:18:00.002-07:002013-03-19T16:18:56.803-07:00Don't fear the setback<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
We nervous people are often too hard on ourselves when we
have a setback. We may make phenomenal progress only to feel guilt and shame
for giving into a compulsion, failing to spot symptoms and use our tools to
address them, or for missing meetings. In essence, even in our journey toward
becoming well we demand perfection of ourselves; we want to be exceptional and
never make a mistake as we try to improve our mental health.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yet Dr. Low reminds us that we are <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">apprentices</i> in recovery and, as such, we are constantly learning
about how to address our symptoms (Low, 1995, pp. 57-64). Especially when we begin
addressing our fears and triggers, we must expect setbacks, just as an apprentice
will certainly make mistakes as he/she learns a trade. We wouldn’t expect a
plumber apprentice to know all the tools of the profession after only a week, a
month, or even a year on the job, so we shouldn’t expect that we will be
experts at recovering in similar time frames.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In fact, we are always <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">training</i>,
continuously spotting our symptoms and using tools to address them. We are
practicing, just as doctors <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">practice</i>
medicine. Mistakes or setbacks are unavoidable but, as Dr. Low reminds us, the
setback does not signal the return of the illness.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I prefer to use a setback as a learning opportunity. When I
feel an old symptom creep back, such as the urge to double check that the stove
is off, I don’t work myself up. Instead, I spot the symptom and use tools to
get through—in this case, “Feelings are not facts."</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Fearing the setback won’t make us healthier. Neither will
anticipating them. But taking a realistic view of them certainly will. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Reference</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Low, AA. (1995). <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Manage
Your Fears, Manager Your Anger: A Psychiatrist Speaks. </i>Willett: Glencoe,
IL. </div>
Doughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15199636855968206146noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5168359106248327458.post-8311623347830645972013-01-26T08:00:00.000-08:002013-01-26T08:00:11.454-08:00Accepting averageness<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Recently a friend confided in me that he is having problems
with his significant other. He wants him to be more loving, more talkative,
more giving, and so on. When I suggested that he was asking his partner to be <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">exceptional</i>, he was surprised by my
observation. I reminded him that Dr. Low says we should not expect the
exceptional from ourselves and others, and we would forgo much misery if we
accepted others (and ourselves) for their <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">average</i>.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This sounds simple but can be difficult in practice. We are
disappointed when someone doesn’t meet our expectations, but we need to step
back and evaluate whether those expectations were reasonable. In my friend’s
case, if his partner was not customarily affectionate, why should he raise his
temper and develop angry/nervous symptoms for expecting him to be more
affectionate? Dr. Low says we do not need to accept relationships we find
unfulfilling, but we will avoid much misery and personal turmoil if we
acknowledge people’s averages and do not expect—or demand—them to be
exceptional.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We need to apply this concept to ourselves, too. For
example, I am usually nervous when an airplane takes off. That’s my average. I
would be employing exceptional thinking if I expected otherwise. So instead of
working myself up and developing angry/nervous systems over being anxious, I
should accept that these sensations are normal—that is, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">average</i>—for me, remind myself that feelings are not facts, and practice
forced objectivity by focusing on a book during takeoff. Over time this
practice likely will change my average experience, and I will have a new
average in which I don’t give plane rides a second thought. In the meantime,
though, why should I get angry at myself for experiencing average sensations?
Why should I feel disappointed or angry at myself for not meeting an
exceptional standard?</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dr. Low’s concept of averageness is one of his most powerful
teachings. It’s counterintuitive to our inclination to want to change people or
constantly demand more from ourselves. We do not have to accept abusive
situations or relationships that are unfulfilling, and we should strive to
improve our long-term average when we are dissatisfied with our current
performance. But in the meantime recognizing that others and ourselves
generally adhere to average patterns can help us avoid anger and fear that
otherwise cloud our lives and disrupt our well-being.
</div>
Doughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15199636855968206146noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5168359106248327458.post-18674796960969236732012-12-22T04:35:00.001-08:002012-12-22T04:35:51.639-08:00Ear popping: Distressing but not dangerous<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Nervous people are often troubled by normal body sensations.
A tingling here, an ache there—little annoyances most people would quickly
dismiss we have a tendency to analyze, fret over, and work up. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Recently I noticed my ears popping when I was involved in
deep concentration on school or work projects. I was not worried about a
medical condition, but I found the sensations distressing. I’m far enough in my
Recovery training to recognize that they were not dangerous, but I started to
work myself up over them. I had thoughts such as, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Why are my ears popping? This is making it difficult to concentrate.
This is so annoying. Why won’t this go away?</i> I was being distracted by
these thoughts, and my temper began to build: When my ears would pop my heart
would race and my breathing would become shallow. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thankfully, I soon remembered Dr. Low’s comments on handling
such situations. We can control thoughts and impulses but not feelings and
sensations. The latter will quickly pass if we do not work them up. Dr. Low
warns us against labeling symptoms as “intolerable” or “unbearable,” as such
language distorts the reality that these are minor annoyances that will quickly
pass—if we allow them to do so. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Every now and again my ears will pop, but I try not to pay
too much attention. As Dr. Low predicts, the sensations subside when I don’t
give them any importance. In former days, I would have come to dread ear
popping. In fact, just the thought of it would have thrown me into a panic.
Thankfully, with my Recovery training I recognize that symptoms are distressing
but not dangerous, and I can nip potential threats to my Recovery in the bud
long before they become serious problems. </div>
Doughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15199636855968206146noreply@blogger.com4