We nervous people are often too hard on ourselves when we
have a setback. We may make phenomenal progress only to feel guilt and shame
for giving into a compulsion, failing to spot symptoms and use our tools to
address them, or for missing meetings. In essence, even in our journey toward
becoming well we demand perfection of ourselves; we want to be exceptional and
never make a mistake as we try to improve our mental health.
Yet Dr. Low reminds us that we are apprentices in recovery and, as such, we are constantly learning
about how to address our symptoms (Low, 1995, pp. 57-64). Especially when we begin
addressing our fears and triggers, we must expect setbacks, just as an apprentice
will certainly make mistakes as he/she learns a trade. We wouldn’t expect a
plumber apprentice to know all the tools of the profession after only a week, a
month, or even a year on the job, so we shouldn’t expect that we will be
experts at recovering in similar time frames.
In fact, we are always training,
continuously spotting our symptoms and using tools to address them. We are
practicing, just as doctors practice
medicine. Mistakes or setbacks are unavoidable but, as Dr. Low reminds us, the
setback does not signal the return of the illness.
I prefer to use a setback as a learning opportunity. When I
feel an old symptom creep back, such as the urge to double check that the stove
is off, I don’t work myself up. Instead, I spot the symptom and use tools to
get through—in this case, “Feelings are not facts."
Fearing the setback won’t make us healthier. Neither will
anticipating them. But taking a realistic view of them certainly will.
Reference
Low, AA. (1995). Manage
Your Fears, Manager Your Anger: A Psychiatrist Speaks. Willett: Glencoe,
IL.
