Saturday, February 28, 2009

One of THOSE days

Ugh. I had one of those days. You probably know them—the "freakout" days where bad news exacerbates your anxiety. I knew I was in a tailspin and for a while did not want to stop it. Finally, I realized this was counterproductive to my mental health. I sat in my office chair, took some deep breaths, and told myself that I had had enough. Amazingly, it worked. So I rewarded myself with cupcakes last night. Sometimes you just gotta treat yourself! :)

Saturday, February 14, 2009

I need to relax!

I need to de-stress, big time. Lately, I've been extremely negative, tense, anxious, and angry. The latter is troublesome, as I'm lashing out over the stupidest things (like my DSL being down). I've been way too high strung, and that certainly isn't helping me to be less anxious. Worse, I've been so busy at work, putting in 10- to 11-hour days, that I simply haven't found time to relax. Tonight that's the #1 priority!

Saturday, February 7, 2009

My perfectionist scaffolding

I am a perfectionist.

I'm not proud of this, as perfectionism is a basis for a lot (most?) of the anxiety in my life. Being a perfectionist is exhausting, and I never feel fulfilled.

Well, enough of that! Seeing the world through perfectionist spectacles leads to unhappiness and chronic negativity, as nothing is ever perfect enough.

This past week I've been trying to dial down my perfectionist tendencies. It's not easy, as they are so ingrained in my personality and a big part of my anxiety disorder. So I'm using the "shrug my shoulders" technique.

For example, say I'm upset because I painted a room with semigloss paint instead of flat (long story :). I shrug my shoulders and say, "Oh well. It's good enough," moving on to something else. Of course, one side of my brain is screaming and demanding more analysis, evaluation, and remedying action, but I'm starting to listen to a quieter voice (that's been there all along) saying, "You know what? It's OK. You're OK. It's time to move on."

Perfectionism is the scaffolding holding up my anxiety framework. Once I remove enough bolts the whole complex will come crashing down and the real, authentic, recovered, anxiety-free me will be standing tall.