Throughout these experiences, I have had symptoms: racing
thoughts, imagination on fire, heart palpitations, blurry vision, sweating,
loose bowels—classic anxiety. Yet I did not let this stop my travels. At times
I was extremely uncomfortable, but I would remember Dr. Low’s words that
comfort is a want, not a need. I
never truly was in any danger.
Perhaps the tool I used most frequently was that “feelings
are not facts.” I might have felt that the turbulence was intense, that the
take-off wasn’t quite right, that the plane was in jeopardy, but the reality of
the situation was always quite different. The facts were clear: I was usually
experiencing normal turbulence and, at times, feeling panicky for no reason at
all.
Next year promises the same level of travel—perhaps more. I
have fantasized about telling my boss I “can’t” fly, that the symptoms are
simply too intense. But I recognize that the only way to maintain self-esteem
and overcome symptoms is to do the thing I fear and hate to do. Feelings and
sensations cannot be controlled, but thoughts and impulses can be. I can
control my impulse to not fly again, and I can continue to change my thoughts
using Recovery tools to replace insecure thoughts with secure ones.
Thus, I’m going to give myself a hearty endorsement for
practicing Recovery in such uncomfortable circumstances this year. Feeling
anxious on a flight is not a failure—we endorse for the effort, not the
outcome. In years past I might have indeed told my boss that I can no longer
travel by plane, but a life chained to anxiety is not how I plan to live.
