Texting anxiety

Texting is a part of daily life for many of us. It can be a quick and convenient way to communicate. It can also be a source of anxiety.

One of the "unspoken rules" of texting is that you don't have to immediately reply. Just like an e-mail message, it's understood that you'll respond when available, unlike a phone conversation. However, we often apply expectations about how long it should take for a person to reply and, when they fail to do so, become anxious.

Such reactions are normal and commonplace. For nervous people, however, this anxiety can precipitate into a working-up process if one isn't vigilant.

For example, I recently had a wonderful date. We seemed to enjoy our company and have a lot in common. When I sent a follow-up text expressing my enjoyment, I didn't receive a reply right away. OK, I thought, no biggie. Then some hours went by without a reply. I started to work myself up. My heart began to race a bit. My mind started to whirl: Does this person not like me? Did I do something wrong? Did I text too early? Admittedly, such reactions are average, and I acknowledged that. I also spotted that if I continued this line of thinking, I was at risk of ruining my day. After all, these were just my feelings about the situation, not the facts. I decided to practice objectivity by taking my mind off the situation by working in the yard. And a few hours later I did indeed receive a text back.

Nervous people will find themselves being anxious in everyday situations just like everyone else. These trivialities of everyday life, however, can spiral into larger worrying unless we spot them and practice our Recovery training.

Doing 'what we fear and hate to do'

Last week I traveled to England for work. It was my longest flight, with about seven hours in the air between New York and London. I had never been on a larger plane (a 767), and I had never traveled outside of the United States (except for road trips to Canada).

I was nervous before leaving--not only because of the flight, but I would be in a new country. I excused instead of accused myself, recognizing that any person would be anxious in such a situation. Instead of working myself up, I worked the situation out by conducting online research about what to expect when traveling to the UK. I acknowledged that anticipation is often worse than realization.

There were some uncomfortable moments during my travels, but by not allowing my fears to take control I was able to get through the experience--and even enjoy my time there. I endorsed myself for challenging myself and tackling my uncomfortable symptoms.

When nervous people are faced with a new or unexpected event, our usual reaction is to respond that "I can't do that" or "I won't do that." Yet a person in Recovery recognizes that obligations need to come before inclinations--in my case, traveling internationally when I'd prefer not to because I would be uncomfortable. And when we do things that we "fear and hate to do," we can be surprised and delighted about how much we can do, even when we are anxious.

Pops, pings, and zips

Zips. Pings. Buzzes. Pops. Tingles. 

Our bodies can produce a lot of weird sensations. Whether your eyes are blurry, your ears are popping, your hand is tingling, or you feel some “zips” in your head, every so often all of us feel something a bit strange. To most people, they’re just a passing curiosity.

To anxious people, however, they can be alarming.

We obsess over what these sensations could mean. Imminent health issues? Life-threatening tumors? We jump to conclusions with little evidence. Of course, any prolonged symptom should receive medical evaluation. Yet even if we are reassured everything is fine by trained experts, we continue to worry. The fear can become overwhelming. Just the thought of the symptoms can produce the symptoms themselves!

Dr. Low and Recovery remind us that feelings and sensations cannot be controlled, but thoughts and impulses can be. This is sage advice when dealing with symptoms that are distressing, but not dangerous (if told so, of course, by a medical professional).

For example, sometimes I have strong tingling sensations in my right foot. This occurs usually when I’m stressed for one reason or another. I then focus on the sensation, annoyed at its occurrence, fearful of what it could mean, and thereby intensifying the symptom. I become panicky, as not only does my foot tingle but my breathing becomes shallow and my thoughts reel. This can happen dozens of times in a week.

Yet I’ve found relief by simply acknowledging that, hey, I have a little distressing sensation, and I know that there’s nothing physically wrong. It will pass. Feelings are not facts, and this distressing—but again, not dangerous—sensation will pass. And it always does, usually when I focus on something else and forget about it. 

Medical experts continually expound on TV that we shouldn't ignore our bodies. If you think something is wrong, definitely see a doctor, or two if necessary. But when trained mental health and physical health professionals reassure us that nothing is physically wrong, we need not feel ashamed or embarrassed. Indeed, why not feel overjoyed? Dr. Low and Recovery tell us that thoughts and impulses can indeed be controlled, and over time by not giving power to distressing, but not dangerous, symptoms they will fade away on their own.

A frustrating day, but a rational response

Today has been frustrating. I bought a utility cabinet to assemble, only to discover it was missing a piece. OK, I thought, no need to become upset over this. I'll do something else. So I decided to complete my taxes. After gathering my paperwork, I realized I was missing one of my documents. I tried to go online to access it, only to find the Internet was down.

Argh.

When we're stressed, we grow tense, and when we become tense, we often become anxious. The muscles across my chest were tight. My mind was racing. And I was not in the best of moods.

Before my Recovery training, I wouldn't have recognized that I was in jeopardy of my emotions getting out of control. I would have brewed, boiled, and found myself anxious. Everything would have irritated me. Obsessions would return. It would not be a good day.

Instead, I've spotted what's going on. This situation is frustrating but not dangerous. Frustrations like this occur throughout everyone's day. I can take rational steps to deal with these frustrations: I'll call the store and ask if I have to return the entire cabinet or if I can just pick up the missing piece. I'll gather what paperwork I have for my taxes, and wait for the rest to arrive by mail. I'll find something else to do while the Internet is down, such as writing this blog.

I'm disappointed my day didn't work out as planned, but that's no reason to let anxiety and anger rule my day.

Addressing 'woe is me' and 'why me' thinking

Everybody has good days and bad days. When people with anxiety have bad days, we tend to fall into a “woe is me” and “why me” attitude. Maybe we let ourselves perform a compulsion over and over we know we shouldn’t have. Maybe we lacked the effort to not spot symptoms and correct our behavior. Maybe we are exhausted from a stressful week compounded with anxiety. Living with anxiety can be a struggle at times and, coupled with the usual daily stressers, it can be easy to fall into despair over continuous symptoms.

When I find myself feeling this way, I remind myself that questions about why I have anxiety usually don’t lead anywhere useful. After all, Dr. Low tells us that everyone has anxiety, but we “nervous people” tend to feel the effects more acutely and more frequently, and we have a tendency to overreact to distressing—but not dangerous—feelings that most people dismiss. As anxiety sufferers, we have a chronic condition, not likely to disappear overnight and likely requiring lifelong management.

When days seem dark and times tough, I like to adopt Dr. Low’s emphasis on being a leader in addressing one’s symptoms. Instead of rolling over, lamenting my lot in life, and letting symptoms get the best of me, I decide it’s time to double down, take control, and remind myself that feelings are not facts. Feelings and sensations cannot be controlled, but thoughts and impulses can be. “Woe is me” thinking is indeed under my control. I look back on all I’ve done, endorse myself for my achievements toward a healthier life, and recognize that sometimes there are setbacks—but setbacks do not reset my progress.

Sure, from time to time I get discouraged. But taking what Dr. Low calls the “total view” allows me to put everything in perspective. “Woe is me” and “why me” thinking focuses only on the past. This is a partial view that doesn’t benefit me. Taking the total view, recognizing my progress and projecting a long-term healthier outlook, I feel re-energized and rejuvenated. Yes, I’ll have bad days, and there will be times when I wish all of my anxiety would just go away. But recognizing I am taking a leadership role in my own health, that life is so much better now that I endorse myself for continuous spotting and practicing Recovery, recharges me and provides me with an overall broader, healthier, and optimistic view on the days ahead.

Tingling sensation--distressing, but not dangerous

People with anxiety sometimes have weird sensations. Tingling, throbbing, pinching—we often suffer with these “intolerable” symptoms, which we describe as zips, pings, heat, freezings, and other words that will be familiar to a lot of my readers.

Lately I’ve had the return of an “old friend” sensation. When I drive, I feel like pins are sticking into my foot. It’s a tingling, vibrating sensation, sometimes throbbing, and definitely uncomfortable. The trigger is no surprise—I have a new car, and when I bought a new car years before I had the same symptoms. When I drive a rental car, I don’t experience this sensation. I suppose that’s no surprise, because at the root of the problem is my fear that I didn’t make the right choice: Did I buy the right car? Did I make a mistake? Should I have waited for a better deal? And so on.

To cope, I’ve continuously reminded myself of Dr. Low’s wisdom: Feelings and sensations cannot be controlled, but thoughts and impulses can be. Telling myself that these are simply anxious reactions does help, but I admit sometimes I feel defeated by the symptoms. It can be exhausting to deal with distressing, but certainly not dangerous, symptoms all day.

Over time, through continuous spotting and endorsement, I know these symptoms will abate. They did before, and they will again. There’s nothing physically wrong. Before Recovery, I would have complained about this symptom to anyone who would listen, ask friends to drive the car to check for anything wrong, take the car to the dealer to ask them to find a problem, and so on. Now, with Recovery, I’m better equipped to handle these symptoms, and I am confident things will improve soon.

The important distinction between feelings and facts

Recently I was speaking to someone about his fear of flying. To help him to begin to spot distressing symptoms, I reminded him of Dr. Low’s sage advice regarding troubling sensations:

“[Y]our feelings are not facts. They merely pretend to reveal facts. Your feelings deceive you. They tell you of danger when there is no hazard, of wakefulness when sleep was adequate, of exhaustion when the body is merely weary and the mind discouraged. In speaking of your symptoms, your feelings lie to you. If you trust them, you are certain to be betrayed into panics and vicious cycles.” (1)

In my friend’s case, there is no value to worrying about a plane crash when he senses turbulence. What he feels has no bearing on what is actually happening.

Our culture tells us to trust our feelings, trust our gut, and to act on our feelings. But those in Recovery know better. Feelings and sensations cannot be controlled, but thoughts and impulses can be, Dr. Low tells us. If we allow ourselves to be swept up by emotions, we will be at the mercy of rising and falling tides of anxiety and anger.

Better to look for the facts of a situation and respond accordingly. We might feel our hands need to be washed, rewashed, and washed again, but the fact is our hands our clean. We might feel that we need to check, double check, triple check that the stove is off, but the fact is the burners are not ignited. We may worry that bumps while flying signify imminent doom, but the fact remains that we are not aviation experts and that such situations are normal. 

And in light of the disappearance of the recent Malaysia Airlines flight, we might feel that means air travel is dangerous, but the fact is that traveling by plane is exponentially more safer than by car.

“Feelings are not facts” is one of my favorite Recovery tools, and I’ve written about it previously. Like all good tools, it bears repeating. The next time you find yourself in a distressing situation, ask yourself if  you are responding to feelings or facts, and remind yourself that there is an indeed an important difference.

Reference
1. Low AA. Mental Health Through Will-Training. 3rd ed. Glencoe, Illinois: Willett, 1997;118.

Car troubles--not a reason to panic

Talk about a frustrating week.

On Sunday I went to start my car, but all I heard were a series of clicks. The next day I was flying out of town for business, so I had to arrange a ride to the airport and a tow truck to take the car to the repair shop. The tow truck dropped off the car across the street from the repair shop; I had to call back and have it towed across the street for $45. Turns out it was the battery. A couple hundred dollars later, I discovered when I returned home that my muffler was hanging low—my muffler brackets had snapped. What I thought might be a quick weld repair turned into a much more expensive job.

Argh.

Throughout the entire experience, I remained relatively calm. Before Recovery, I would have been in a full-blown panic. With my Recovery training, however, I’ve become much more of a realist. Cars break down. Multiple things can go wrong. These sort of problems are average for an older vehicle.

And among all of the things that can go wrong in daily life, this is certainly a triviality—an expensive triviality to be sure, but not something to risk my mental health.

Among the tools Recovery teaches its members is the mantra, “Expect frustrations every five minutes and you won’t be disappointed.” To someone not trained in Recovery language, this may seem pessimistic. Yet when experiencing a series of unfortunate events, such thoughts help keep me grounded and in control of my emotions.

The importance of a holly, jolly holiday

This is a stressful time of year, for all of the obvious reasons. Amid all of the holiday hustle and bustle, and the resulting anxiety, I find it useful to remember one of Dr. Low’s most innovative concepts: Humor is our best friend; temper (that is, fear and anger) is our worst enemy.

Fearful symptoms, of course, are no laughing matter, but sometimes it’s helpful to step back for a moment and consider just how ridiculous our fears can be. I used to fear leaving the toaster plugged in, worried that it could lead to a chain reaction resulting in my house burning down. Hmm, don’t hear about homes exploding in flames from toasters every day, though! Some of us will check, double check, and recheck to make sure the doors are locked, as if checking one more time really will satisfy us. We might worry endlessly about an upcoming presentation, of course convincing ourselves all the while that we are the only people who have such fears.

Dr. Low advises us to be realists and, in doing so, to recognize that our fears are not based in logic and facts. He notes, in fact, that feelings are not facts. We take ourselves too seriously, often as those around us simply shake their heads at our ungrounded fears. Although we crave sympathy, there is definitely value in taking stock of our symptoms and recognizing that some of the things we are afraid of can be downright silly. Some anxiety-causing situations (for example, divorce, death, and job loss) are certainly not laughing matters, but Dr. Low notes that these problems often do not have as paralyzing of an effect on our lives as the everyday trivialities that feed most of our symptoms.

This is not to say that the symptoms generated by trivialities don’t have a profound effect on our lives but, as Dr. Low so wisely pointed out, finding the humor even amid a flare of anxiety can help reduce its impact, providing us with a release to calm down. After all, we know how powerful a good laugh can be in changing our immediate outlook. To that end, I recently stumbled across a blog titled “26 problems only anxious people will understand.” This tongue-in-cheek post from BuzzFeed might just bring you a few chuckles and make the upcoming days a little more bearable.

Handling disappointments

Sometimes things just don’t work out the way we want them to.

For example, a project I have been toiling over at work is not yielding the desired results. I’ve invested many hours in it, including many after the normal business day is over. Despite my best efforts, I can’t seem to make the progress I want. I was working myself up over this situation: I wasn’t sleeping much; my mind was racing; my mood was sour; and I felt quite dismal.

Just recently I spotted that I am trying to be exceptional, a condition Dr. Low warns us to not try to attain. I have an exaggerated sense of responsibility to this project. Although the results are disappointing, I must acknowledge that the situation, on balance, is average: Not every project I work on will have stellar results.

I am practicing internalizing these concepts, and for that I am endorsing. I understand them intellectually, but my perfectionist streak pushes back. I am reminded of the everyday saying of Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Although this situation is disappointing, Dr. Low would remind me that such everyday trivialities are never “dangerous.” With this in mind, I am finding some peace in the situation.

Overcoming a shopping fear

Nervous people can find even the most mundane tasks distressing. One I recently encountered was a visit to a clothing store. This retailer uses commissioned sales clerks, and usually when I arrive I am immediately "confronted" by a salesperson. I feel pressured, awkward, and overall uncomfortable.

On this occasion I had $200 in gift certificates about to expire, and I wasn't going to let my fear prevent me from spending them. I planned on going on a Saturday, and days before I felt tense and anxious. My mind clouded and I had a sense of dread. In retrospect, I was hardly being realistic (which I discussed in a previous post).

When Saturday arrived, I continued to work myself up, but I decided to "do the thing I feared and hated to do." Instead of making this store the last stop on my Saturday shopping trip, I decided to go to the store first. I reminded myself it's not how I feel but how I function that matters, and I encouraged myself to not work up the situation in the preview.

When I arrived I was immediately engaged by a saleswoman, but she was courteous and helpful. Then minutes later I left the store beaming--I used my gift cards and, more importantly, I didn't let my fear interfere with my everyday life. That was worthy of a hearty endorsement!

A night at the movies with Recovery

Last weekend I went to the movies with a friend. When we entered the theater, I experienced a little anxiety. We nervous people often become tense when there are many choices, and we have a tendency to work up even trivial situations, such as selecting the "best" seat in the house.

We chose one location, but I thought it was not ideal, as it was near the aisle. I suggested we move to a more central position, which we both agreed was better. As the previews began I heard a baby whimper behind me. That's when I began to work myself up.

I felt a mixture of anger and fear. I was angry that someone would bring a child to a movie that, although not "adult" oriented, was not a film marketed to young kids. How rude, how inconsiderate, I thought. I wanted to move but also feared that the family behind me would consider me rude and inconsiderate for displaying my displeasure. For a moment I did not know what to do. I felt my heart beginning to race.

I then realized any decision would steady me, as Dr. Low suggests. I decided that the seats were still in a great location and that the baby was not being too loud. In fact, to my amazement the child was very quiet throughout the movie (Dr. Low reminds us to not work up a situation in the "preview"). In fact, a couple of his outbursts were a bit comical given what was going on onscreen.

A few days later, I realized that I overcame my fearful and angry temper by not allowing the situation to spiral into a vicious cycle. Yes, this was a triviality, but these everyday occurrences, not life's real emergencies, are what usually give us the most symptoms. I endorsed for being group minded to my friend and the people around me. Recovery served me well during a night at the movies.

Flying is uncomfortable—not dreadful

Today I will be on an airplane.

Just a few months ago I would have dreaded the upcoming experience. While I am far along in my Recovery journey and would not have tried to avoid the trip, it would have been a very uncomfortable activity. But I have learned that it will be just that: uncomfortable. Not excruciating. Not unbearable. Just uncomfortable.

Dr. Low frequently reminds us that we crave comfort, and when we begin to dread discomfort we develop a vicious cycle of fear and anxiety. I now understand, through my Recovery training, that should I experience chest palpitations, intense sweating, blurry vision, and other “intense” symptoms, I should accept them as merely feelings and sensations, which I cannot control. I can control my thoughts and impulses. I am often amazed by how quickly the sensations will dissipate when I do not work them up.

I acknowledge that I am feeling nervous about the trip today. I am a little shaky and my stomach is jittery. Yet I am not concerned about these sensations because they are an average experience before I fly. Of course, I do not like them, but I’m not letting them bother me. They will wax and wane throughout the day, but by not working them up I will minimize their impact and proceed with my day. In the past I would want to call someone to discuss my “agonies” for hours. Now I know that such a bid for comfort rarely resolves symptoms and, in fact, enhances them.

I am bearing the discomfort and fulfilling my work responsibilities. I am moving forward in my Recovery journey. I am taking control away from anxiety. And for all of that I heartily endorse!

The burden of trying to be perfect

I am continually amazed how Recovery has improved my life. Although I still suffer with fearful temper, I now have the tools to handle and muddle through situations that at one time would have been paralyzing. For example, I have a history of being a “checker.” Checking the locks, checking to make sure the stove is off, rereading documents multiple times, opening envelopes to make sure I really did put the letter inside—I would repeat these and many other activities ad nauseam every day.

In Recovery, however, I learned to let go of insecure thoughts and behaviors such as repetitive checking. Dr. Low taught me to be self-led instead of symptom-led. Perhaps most important of all, I have developed the courage to make mistakes. When I learned about this Recovery tool, I had an epiphany. I have long been a perfectionist. The idea that I could actually accept the fact that I will make errors and mistakes was so foreign to me. Yet doing so lifted a heavy burden from my shoulders, as it is not easy trying to be perfect! It indeed takes courage to stop listening to all of the warnings in your brain that something is wrong. I had to give up my passion for self-distrust and actively challenge thoughts that previously kept me in an endless cycle of doubt and worry.

I had to accept that I should not strive to be a perfectionist. I should strive to be average. Our society does not have a high view of “average” people. But I’d rather be mentally healthy and average than perfect and miserable.

Of course, every now and then I find myself wanting to check something. That’s average. Usually my Recovery tools help me fight the urge and move onto something else. Even if I have a moment of weakness I know that I should excuse, rather than accuse, myself. All of these Recovery tools have made daily living so much more enjoyable, an outcome I thought for a long time I could only achieve by being perfect.

Keeping my opinion to myself

One of many things I love about Recovery is that it has taught me that I do not always need to express my opinion—something that before Recovery I did all too often. I now practice exercising control over my speech muscles. This may sound simple, but for nervous people this is not always easy.

For example, I recently had dinner with friends at a chain restaurant. My companions said their food was delicious, but I found mine to be wanting. Yet instead of complaining, I chose to talk about something else, thereby not ruining my friends’ experience or making them feel guilty about selecting the restaurant.

Before Recovery I would have felt compelled to share my opinion of the meal. Although there would be nothing wrong with doing so, I decided that I would find it difficult to critique the restaurant without temper. Thus, I was group minded by letting my friends enjoy dinner without my temperamental expression.

That, admittedly, is a fairly simple example, but I have found other situations in which exercising control over my speech muscles was very valuable, such as:

• When my boss says something I disagree with
• When I’m anxious about something and want to talk it up with others
• When someone expresses a political opinion with which I am very opposed to

In each situation I’ve decided that the temperamental outburst would not only not be in the group’s interest, but also would lead to a temperamental reaction I’d later regret. If I allowed myself to express temper in any of these scenarios, I would later worry that I said something I shouldn’t have, that I made someone angry at me, that I am burdening someone with my problems, and so on. However, my Recovery training has taught me the value of controlling my speech muscles. Now I let the temperamental flare quickly rise and fall, avoiding the compulsion to say what is on my mind. And my mental health is better off because of this self-control.

Tina Turner and Dr. Low

Dr. Low tells us that humor is our best friend and temper is our worst enemy when dealing with symptoms. With that in mind, I recently realized that some of Tina Turner’s famous song lyrics have some things in common with Recovery principles!

Dr. Low: It’s OK to be average.
Tina Turner: We don’t need another hero.

Dr. Low: It’s not how you feel, it’s how you function.
Tina Turner: What’s love got to do with it?

I doubt Tina Turner even knows what Recovery is all about, and this is admittedly a bit silly. But it’s a good reminder that when we find ourselves all tied up in anxious knots, a little humor can go a long way toward feeling better. The next time you feel down, think of Turner singing "Proud Mary"; you'll find it hard not to smile.

Any other Tina Turner sayings you can think of that are reflective of Recovery?

A New Year Resolution

At this time of year, we make New Year Resolutions. Thinking about the next 12 months makes me nervous, however. Fortunately, I have my Recovery training to help me out.

A lot is ahead for me in the next 366 days (It’s a leap year :). I have a busy schedule, as I am in graduate school. Many changes are expected at my workplace, and I could be in store for a stressful year if the economy continues to sputter. One of my cats is 19 (need I say more?). Thinking about the year to come is overwhelming and stressful.

Yet Dr. Low reminds us to not work ourselves up in the preview. I’ve reminded myself to not allow my imagination to be on fire. Every year brings challenges—some good, some bad—and that’s part of an average life. Dr. Low says to enjoy times when they are good, but not get trapped in a vicious cycle when times are bad. Instead, focus on how we function, not how we feel, and like any average person I will muddle through.

Before my Recovery training I would have had no “game plan” for dealing with the year ahead. In fact, I would have worked myself up worrying about events that may never happen. Now I am more focused on the here and now and not working myself up over what may be.

Life's ups and downs

I do not like to travel by airplane. Being hundreds of feet in the air makes me nervous. However, my career requires that I travel more than once a month, so I have used my Recovery training to make the experience easier.

Recently I was on a flight that became quite bumpy; the plane went up and down and left to right. It was probably the worst turbulence I’ve experienced. Needless to say, I was in a panic. My eyes were blurry; my palms were sweaty; my body shook; my mind raced. To my astonishment, the woman next to me sat calmly with her eyes closed.

After about five minutes the turbulence was over, and when I began to regroup I applied my Recovery training. I didn’t fault myself for my reaction, as Dr. Low reminds us that we shouldn’t expect to be comfortable in an uncomfortable situation. I endorsed myself for controlling my muscles (not crying during the turbulence or disturbing the composure of the woman next to me). Afterward I remarked to a few people in the office about the bumpy trip, but I did not speak about it excessively. Before Recovery I would have told everyone I met about my “horrible” flight, thereby working myself up.

I’ve also come to realize that when I worry about the plane crashing I’m making a bid to be exceptional. There are hundreds if not thousands of flights every day across the world, and only rarely does a plane encounter trouble (and even more rarely it crashes). Instead of worrying about an exceptional event, I need to focus on the average flying experience. There will be some bumps, and some flights will be smoother than others. But overall I should not give into temper every time the plane encounters some rough air.

To help me with this, I’ve been practicing forced objectivity. For example, when I’m flying I listen to music, watch a video, or read. This way a lot of the little bumps go unnoticed—and my mental health is better for it.

Handling a triviality

In one of my classes I received a less-than-stellar grade on a group assignment. At first, I began to work myself up. My pulse quickened; my mind raced; and I began to blame myself. I had thought we had done an average, if not above average, job but the professor disagreed.

I remained in temper for several hours. I did spot that to talk it up is to work it up and avoided bringing up my disappointment with others. I avoided apologizing to other group members as excessive apologizing is a form of temper.

I have spotted that my imagination was on fire, and I have been taking steps to practice forced objectivity so I do not dwell on this triviality. I’m endorsing for my efforts.

Before Recovery, I would have called up many people to analyze this grade for hours on end. Now I know better. This is a triviality and not worth working myself up over.

A super spot

I recently began pursuing a master’s degree. After turning in one of my first assignments, the professor posted tips on how to answer some of the questions. That’s when I began to work myself up. Oh, there was plenty of time to submit a revision, but I began to work myself up over making the changes. I needed to adjust only a few answers, but I felt compelled to review all of my work. I wanted to double check all of the answers, not just those few I needed to change based on the professor’s advice. My mind started to race; my pulse quickened; and my eyes became blurry.

Then I spotted that I was facing a triviality, and that there was no need to review all of my work. I gave myself permission to make a mistake. I revised and resubmitted the assignment.

A few moments later I had a “eureka” moment, what I’m calling a “super spot.” I realized that I am not pursuing a master’s degree to be tense, miserable, and in temper for the next 18 months. I am pursuing a master’s degree to better myself. The uncomfortable feelings melted away upon this realization. This is now my guiding principle whenever I encounter temper in my studies.
Before Recovery, I would have thought about the revised assignment all night, talked it up with friends, and probably triple or quadruple checked my work. Now that I have Recovery training, I feel I’m better equipped to pursue a master’s degree. And my “super spot” will help me whenever I feel the need to be perfect in my studies.