Once upon a time, I was scared of a toaster.
My fear was that if I left the toaster plugged in, there was
a chance that the toaster could start on its own, that this
strange-but-true-automatic-starting toaster would catch on fire, that the
toaster would start a conflagration, that the entire house would burn down.
Therefore, I always checked, double checked, and rechecked that the toaster was
unplugged. I might put the toaster in my car when I went shopping just to
ensure it wasn't plugged in. My mind buzzed with the possibilities, however
unlikely, and a simple household appliance caused me much misery. For nervous
people, this probably doesn't sound too bizarre, as anxiety and obsessive-compulsive
disorders often lead us to do some pretty strange things in retrospect.
Recovery helped me through these feelings. I learned to
become a realist. Dr. Low taught me that anticipation is often worse than
realization and, especially, that feelings are not facts. I spotted my reaction
as distressing but not dangerous. I decided I would no longer unplug the
toaster, thereby "doing the thing I feared and hated to do," as we
say in Recovery language.
Over time the urge to unplug the toaster decreased and, when
I felt the need to check it, I relied on my Recovery training. In fact, the
other day I noticed that my roommate had unplugged the toaster, and I promptly
plugged it back in. At this moment I realized how much progress I have made
since I started this blog in 2008 and my Recovery training and 2009, and for
that I'm giving myself a hearty endorsement.
