When you absolutely positively ultimately have no control whatsoever

Nervous people like to be in control, or at least think they are in control. We don't like change. We crave stability and knowing that everything is just the way we want, or like, it.

I'm no exception, and this weekend has been taxing for me.

I have been planning a large event in St. Louis for more than a year, and it takes place next weekend. Recent events in Ferguson have caused me to have sleepless nights, racing thoughts, and feelings of dread. My stomach has been jumpy for days. I fear no one will show up, that my event will be a failure, and that I will be blamed.

Being in Recovery, however, I also must acknowledge that I have absolutely, positively, ultimately no control whatsoever over what is going on there. I am taking an exaggerated sense of responsibility, as I, or anyone else, could never have anticipated what happened.

By checking my e-mail and the news frequently, I have been trying to give myself a sense of control, but these activities only heighten my anxiety. To protect my mental health, I must recognize that I am powerless in this situation.

As Dr. Low would remind me, although I feel helpless, the situation is not hopeless. The conference is still a week away. Recent events have proved that the the situation can change quickly, sometimes for the worse, but sometimes for the better. Our event is more than 20 minutes away from Ferguson, and my fears that no one will show up is a reflection of imagination on fire rather than reality.

The next few days are going to be uncomfortable. I can't change my feelings or sensations, but I do have control over my thoughts and impulses. By applying realistic thinking I can temper panic and not overreact to news events. I need to keep busy, keep positive, and deal with events as they happen, as anticipation is almost always worse than realization.

Taking a detour around the danger zone

Nervous people see a lot of danger in the world, especially in our own lives. Yet through my Recovery training I've learned a valuable lesson: Most, if not all, of what I fear is distressing but not dangerous. When I equate my uncomfortable feelings with danger, my symptoms worsen and can develop into a full-blown panic.

Dr. Abraham A. Low said we must continually "spot" our distressing feelings, recognizing them for what they are and not consider them dangerous—doing so only makes us more miserable. In fact, he encouraged us nervous people to recognize our "frightening inner experiences as being nothing but silly emotionalism or inane rationalizations."(1)

I've definitely recognized the value of this concept, but putting it to work has not been as easy. Yet I've been assured by my fellow Recovery members that practicing this constant spotting leads to results. So I'm marching forward with this "will to bear discomfort" and avoiding the highway to the danger zone.

Reference
1. Low AA. Mental Health Through Will-Training. Glencoe, Ill.: Willett Publishing Co.; 1997;190.