Recovery as a goal

When we are anxious, we want instant relief. We feel awful, and we lament our situation to anyone who will listen. Learning to experience these feelings and not “blow them up” is an important part of Recovery training, I’ve learned. Being patient is essential, as well.

Accepting the notion that anxiety won’t go away overnight with a magic trick or cure is sobering news—yet empowering at the same time. It’s exciting to know that so many people have gotten better with continuous discipline and practice they’ve learned in Recovery. Sure, recovering from a mental illness is hard work, but many major life events can be achieved only by striving toward a long-term goal.

Everyday I find myself yearning for relief and comfort, but I now know that these are not the ultimate goal. Freeing myself from my distressing—but not dangerous symptoms—is what I really want, and learning to experience and not overreact to these feelings is how I’ll get there.

Distressing, but not dangerous

One very important lesson I have learned in Recovery is that nervous symptoms can be tolerated. This is particularly powerful insight.

When we are extremely anxious, it feels like the whole world is spinning out of control—and that we are at the center of a narrowing emotional vortex. We often have the false impression that we cannot function and that we need to stop what we are doing that is scaring us.

But through reading Mental Health Through Will-Training (1) and attending Recovery meetings, I’ve learned that while uncomfortable sensations and feelings inevitably will flare up and cannot be controlled, my thoughts and reactions to them can be managed. Although I may feel very uncomfortable, these symptoms are distressing but not dangerous (a Recovery mantra). And I don’t have to buy into the notion that I am in any trouble or danger. I can accept these feelings for what they are but not get worked up about them.

This concept has helped me a lot over the past few days. In fact, I think I might have made a small breakthrough in my understanding of my condition.

Reference
1. Low AA. Mental Health Through Will-Training. Glencoe, Ill.: Willett Publishing Co.; 1997;80-90.

Being average

For a long time I thought nobody suffered like I do. My distressing symptoms made me feel very alone and isolated. Although I clearly knew that other people have anxiety problems, I usually mused that no one had them as bad as I did.

Through my Recovery training I’ve learned that not only is that belief false, but that my symptoms are average.

Dr. Low wrote at length about nervous people’s desire to be “exceptional.”(1) My take on his philosophy is that if we consistently give our feelings and sensations power and duration, they will become stronger, tighten their grip, and essentially control our lives. Instead, we need to acknowledge that what we experience are average symptoms for nervous people—and not blow them out of proportion.

Of course, some will have more intense symptoms than others, but there’s no need to consider ourselves different from our peers with mental illness. Thinking that way can lead to a senseless of hopelessness, and that certainly will not help us improve.

And there’s something comforting in being average. I don’t feel so different. I don’t feel so alone.

Reference1. Low AA. Mental Health Through Will-Training. Glencoe, Ill.: Willett Publishing Co.; 1997;80-90.

Taking a detour around the danger zone

Nervous people see a lot of danger in the world, especially in our own lives. Yet through my Recovery training I've learned a valuable lesson: Most, if not all, of what I fear is distressing but not dangerous. When I equate my uncomfortable feelings with danger, my symptoms worsen and can develop into a full-blown panic.

Dr. Abraham A. Low said we must continually "spot" our distressing feelings, recognizing them for what they are and not consider them dangerous—doing so only makes us more miserable. In fact, he encouraged us nervous people to recognize our "frightening inner experiences as being nothing but silly emotionalism or inane rationalizations."(1)

I've definitely recognized the value of this concept, but putting it to work has not been as easy. Yet I've been assured by my fellow Recovery members that practicing this constant spotting leads to results. So I'm marching forward with this "will to bear discomfort" and avoiding the highway to the danger zone.

Reference
1. Low AA. Mental Health Through Will-Training. Glencoe, Ill.: Willett Publishing Co.; 1997;190.

A proactive approach to anxiety

This week I did not attend a Recovery meeting because it was canceled due to the Memorial Day holiday. I was a bit disappointed, as I like the fellowship of being around people who understand me and my fears. So this week I’ve spent a lot of time reading Mental Health Through Will-Training (the Recovery “bible”).

This got me thinking about the importance of taking a proactive approach to fear and anxiety problems. We suffer for so long that when we find moments of relief, the last thing we want to do is read about how to get better (See my Shelfari shelf on this page) or talk to people about our issues. But ironically that is indeed what we need to do.

I’m not saying we should analyze our problems. In fact, a Recovery principle is that “to talk it up is to work it up.” But we do need to make our mental health our top priority (another Recovery principle [this one more abstract]: Mental health is a business, not a game). And I’m finding that socializing with people like me is an important way to boost my confidence in my ability to get better.

HOW to get better

My counselor recently shared with me three core tenets of AA: honesty, openness, and willingness to change (HOW). These are essential building blocks for overcoming anxiety disorders:

• We must be honest with ourselves and admit that we have a mental illness.
• We must be open to trying new behaviors, techniques, therapies, medications, and support groups.
• And we must be willing to do hard work, challenging ourselves to confront and overcome our longstanding fears.

I was not always in a HOW state of mind. For too long I just suffered and clinged to any moment of serenity I could come by. But now I'm ready to have the "courage to make mistakes" and ready to abandon my "passion for self-distrust"(1) in order to achieve recovery and a more mentally healthy life.

Reference
1. Low AA. Mental Health Through Will-Training. Glencoe, Ill.: Willett Publishing Co.; 1997;145-9.

Take some comfort in being uncomfortable

A lot—most?—of us want our anxieties to simply disappear. Thus, some turn to meds in hope of a quick cure but usually are disappointed that they are not panaceas. We just want to be calm, at peace, and relaxed, yet we torture ourselves daily with fears, obsessions, and compulsions.

Yet the path to a calmer life actually involves learning to endure discomfort—to acknowledge and face our fears and deal with them. Abraham A. Low, MD, called this THE WILL TO BEAR DISCOMFORT. (It's such an important concept that he wrote it in all caps.)(1)

Dr. Low noted that our culture worships comfort, so it is against our social upbringing to do something uncomfortable. He lamented the "cult of comfort" in 1950, and it's even more active today (A point expressed in last year's WALL-E). Note how he wrote that a patient must endure discomfort to overcome his fear of handwriting:

"And once he learned to be uncomfortable without wincing, he gained confidence and passed on to his muscles the assurance that writing was possible, though uncomfortable."(1)

Of course, once we face our fears and indeed do what is uncomfortable, these tasks eventually will become easier and, in fact, comfortable.

This is tremendous, life-changing insight! I'm surprised Dr. Low's chapter on this topic is only five pages. But it's so simple, yet profound, that it makes complete sense.

Reference
1. Low AA. Mental Health Through Will-Training. Glencoe, Ill.: Willett Publishing Co.; 1997;145-9.