I’ll admit it: I am a perfectionist. I like to be number 1, to have everything work just right, to be at the top of the class, to be at the front of the line, to be the highest performer. The problem is that trying to be perfect is exhausting—and taxing on my mental health.
Recently I turned in an assignment for a class. Afterward I agonized over whether my submission would meet all of the grading criteria. More specifically, I was worried I would not receive a perfect score. I had trouble sleeping, talked up the paper with friends, and felt nervous and tense. Finally a friend reminded me that this is a triviality—that the earth won’t stop spinning if I receive a less-than-perfect grade! I realized that I was violating Recovery’s principle of being average by trying to be exceptional. I allowed my imagination to be on fire.
After this experience, I felt a bit guilty for not practicing my Recovery training better. However, Dr. Low reminds us to endorse for the effort, not the outcome, and before Recovery I would not have stopped this vicious cycle and would have continued to worry. After all, we are not to try to practice Recovery perfectly, but rather as an average person.
8 comments:
Great post, Doug. We always need to remind our self that no one is perfect. I think you give many readers great insight on how you initiate and use recovery training in your life. It gives people a sense of relatedness. Thanks
You can control the effort, but you can't always control the outcome. It's always good to want to do well, but we have to be realistic and, like Ryan said, remind ourselves that no one is perfect.
Nice post. everyone stumbles at some point in their life, which is actually what makes life itself worth living. :) I think a person really doesn't need to strive for perfection, but for love.
Thank you all for your kind comments.
It's a good thing to try to do the best and not be a mediocre person. But what happens if for some reason you don't get the result that you expected? You feel bad, your self-esteem falls in the floor, and I think that is not healthy at all. It's ok to "fail" and believe me most times it's a fail in our own high standards. We have to understand that we are not perfect, but we are good! I admire people who don't depend on their grades or on what they do to be happy, but in who they are. It is better gracefull imperfection than perfection without grace .
Great post Doug! I know as a fellow perfectionist myself, I have to remind myself that it's ok to be less than perfect and that making mistakes is often part of the learning process. I would also agree that while we can control the effort, we cannot control the outcome.
"While we cannot control the wind, we can direct our sails."
alana
honolulu, hawaii
Thank you for writing this post. I am currently experiencing a problem at my school with one of my professors. Reading this helps me remember that it's going to be okay.
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