Tolerating discomfort

One of the most difficult things we are challenged to do in our Recovery training is to not work up our symptoms. When our pulse quickens, our mind races, our eyes blur, it’s so easy to give into these feelings, accept them as valid, and react accordingly.

Yet Dr. Low challenged us to not let these feelings overtake our lives. He reminded us that “feelings are not facts” and that while feelings and sensations cannot be controlled, we can control our thoughts and impulses—our reactions to these disturbances.

Essentially Dr. Low was telling us to just keep moving on with our lives—no matter how uncomfortable we may feel. This can be extremely challenging because fearful symptoms can be extremely convincing. But Dr. Low assured us that if we truly have the will to bear discomfort, our symptoms will abate. We will improve. That is the promise of Recovery.

So when I spot myself working myself up, one of my favorite tools to use is to remind myself that these are just sensations—and sensations might be distressing, but they are not dangerous. And because feelings are not facts, I can continue with the task at hand no matter what my symptoms are. This sense of empowerment and hope makes me so glad that this year I discovered Recovery.

I am an apprentice

Dr. Low made it clear that practicing Recovery means really applying the method—not just understanding it. I find myself spotting angry temper flares most easily. These are not as common as my flares of fearful temper, so in general I’m able to quickly spot and not begin a vicious cycle.

It’s a different story with fearful temper. Usually I’m “on edge” all day, so it’s difficult to “continuously” spot and reassure myself with secure thoughts and the Recovery tools. It takes a lot of work, in fact. I know intellectually what I’m supposed to do, but I often feel I’m not applying the method effectively.

Yet I know enough about Recovery to accept that this is just an average situation. There’s no need to work up these feelings, and the best course of action is to continue reading the books, attending meetings, and applying the method.

So when I read Dr. Low’s lecture on apprenticeship I felt much better about my progress. He reminds us that we are apprentices learning a new skill, and this is accomplished neither quickly nor easily:

“What would happen to our workers—to our craftsmen—if, when they begin their apprenticeship, they should become discouraged the first day? We would have no craftsmen. And yet that is what our patients do. They have a passion for becoming discouraged. They have a passion to be discouraged, and that means they don’t consider themselves apprentices.” (1)

Looking at recovery from nervous conditions as an apprenticeship is a refreshing perspective. Not only does it make sense, it is a much more authentic philosophy than many of the anxiety “quick fixes” that are hawked. Once again, Dr. Low’s enduring wisdom shines through.

Reference
1. Low AA. Lecture 11: The patient is an apprentice. In: Manage Your Fears, Manage Your Anger: A Psychiatrist Speaks. Glencoe, Il.: Willett Publishing Co.; 1995; 57-64.

Attacking symptoms at their weakest point

As a nervous person I tend to see danger everywhere.

I got to scrub the cutting board really well or I could get food poisoning the next time I use it.

I better double check that the car doors are locked so my car isn't stollen.

In the past, I was obsessive about these tasks, and this caused me great anxiety. Today, I am a little extra thorough in washing the dishes or in ensuring doors are locked, but I no longer repeatedly perform these activities and suffer the resulting distress. So being a bit more mindful about everyday tasks is my current average.

However, after reading Dr. Low's lecture on Frustrations, Emergencies and Beliefs, (1) I realized that I still have a long way to go in dialing down the amount of danger I see in my life.

True, I am no longer obsessive about washing dishes and parking the car, but a part of me ("the stranger in the brain") still sees some danger in these tasks. Dr. Low told us of the importance of not seeing our life full of emergencies:

"If you deal with everyday life, with routine work or routine existence, if you deal with the trivialities of the daily round, don't believe that they are emergencies.... [E]mergencies happen very seldom in the existence of the average person." (1)

And Dr. Low wrote that tenseness affects all body systems—from head to toe. Taking that idea a little further, I speculate that any tenseness in our lives can aggravate our nervous symptoms—especially those that give us the most discomfort.

So while I think I've conquered my issues with washing and driving, kernels of anxiety with these activities remain. And those seeds can grow and exacerbate my other symptoms. Of course, I've made tremendous progress, but to truly make my mental health a business I can't allow myself the luxury of even indulging in "small" symptoms. Thus, when I feel the urge to rinse something just one more time or just hit the keyfob's lock button twice, I need to move—actually, not move—my muscles, bear the minor discomfort, and continue with my day.

These are not my most distressing symptoms at the moment. In fact, they barely bother me. But Dr. Low said we need to attack symptoms at their weakest point. So if I want my major symptoms to abate, I need reduce tenseness in all areas of my life.

I endorsed for writing this post.

Reference
1. Low AA. Manage Your Fears, Manage Your Anger: A Psychiatrist Speaks. Glencoe, Il.: Willett Publishing Co.; 1995; 45-52.

Applying Recovery

One message I have heard at my Recovery meeting lately (or that has caught my attention) is that “You can’t think your way out of a problem.” During the past six months I’ve learned a lot about Recovery, but knowledge isn’t enough—applying the method is what really counts. As Dr. Low said,

“Understanding alone will not help and has not helped any patient that has developed a long-term nervous problem. The only thing that will help the patient is training, persistent training.” (1)

This means “moving the muscles.” For example, for a long time I feared that my car’s lights (headlights or dome light) were on, so I would constantly look back after arriving at my destination to reassure myself that my battery was not being drained. Sure, I could have told myself that “feelings are not facts,” that “anticipation is usually worse than realization,” that a dead battery would be a triviality, but all of these tools wouldn’t have done any good if I sabotaged my efforts by looking back at the car. I needed to apply the method, not just think about it.

I’ve struggled with doing this with insecure thoughts. Although I continually do things that make me anxious, the nervous feelings have not disappeared, despite my refusal to let anxiety drive my behavior. I believe Dr. Low would tell me that I’m still associating danger with these activities, and as long as I do that I will continue to feel tense—and thus have symptoms. So I’m still struggling with how to apply the method to decrease insecure thoughts while not trying to think myself out of this problem. From what I’ve learned about Recovery so far, I think the answer is to continue to “do the things I fear and hate to do,” think of secure thoughts, and challenge myself to apply the method whenever possible. And, of course, I should lower my expectations: These problems did not develop overnight, and they won’t go away that quickly either. In fact, I do recognize the small gains and by taking the total view I see just how much my life has indeed improved since joining Recovery. This is an endorsable moment!

Reference
1. Low AA. Manage Your Anger, Manage Your Fears: A Psychiatrist Speaks. Glencoe, Ill.: Willett Publishing Co.; 1995.

Facts and Feelings

One of my favorite Recovery phrases is “feelings are not facts.” Dr. Low has an entire chapter on this topic, writing:

“I want you to know that your feelings are not facts. They merely pretend to reveal facts. Your feelings deceive you. They tell you of danger when there is no hazard, of wakefulness when sleep was adequate, of exhaustion when the body is merely weary and the mind discouraged. In speaking of your symptoms, your feelings lie to you. If you trust them, you are certain to be betrayed into panics and vicious cycles.” (1)

This is a powerful message for people struggling with anxiety. When we feel life is out of control, that imminent danger is around the corner, that we are having a heart attack it’s easy—maybe natural?—to believe these feelings. But Dr. Low advises us to spot these unrealistic notions, replace them with secure thoughts, and take the total view of the situation.

I find this Recovery tool so helpful because it’s short, easy to remember, and applies to most anxiety-provoking situations, in which there usually is no factual danger. I think it can be especially helpful for people struggling with OCD. While there may be a strong urge to believe something is unsanitary, that a ritual is required to perform a mundane task, and so on, these feelings do not line up with reality.

The next time you spot yourself working yourself up, try reminding yourself that feelings are not facts. Of course, Recovery teaches us that you won’t experience instant relief, but over time the reality of the situation will become clearer than how the “stranger in the brain” perceives it to be.

I endorsed for writing this post.

Reference
1. Low AA. Mental Health Through Will-Training. Glencoe, Ill.: Willett Publishing Co.; 1997;118.

An EXCELent endorsement

One of the best aspects of Dr. Low’s system is when you can head off a full-blown panic, a real whopper of a tantrum, and/or a category 5 hurricane of symptoms just by using his method’s simple, commonsense tools. I had one of these mega-endorsements the other night.

I had a big work project ahead of me: Color coding more than 800 lines of an Excel spreadsheet, line by line. After leaving the office and having a quick dinner, I spent 2-1/2 hours on this project, finishing up around 10 pm. After feeling quite happy about getting this task off my plate, I decided to reopen the file to double check something—and to my dismay all of the color coding was gone. I quickly realized that the file format I had saved the file in did not support text formatting (such as colors).

I could feel anxious and angry symptoms start to brew, but I instantly spotted that this was a distressing but not dangerous situation. I made my mental health a business and refused to participate in working up this triviality. I recognized that mistakes are average and lowered my standards for myself. With this self-confidence, I fell asleep quickly and repeated the work in the morning, using the correct file format this time.

Before Recovery I would have called someone at the late hour to complain. That would not have been group minded and would have worked me up more. I would have accused myself instead of excused myself and made a mountain out of a molehill. But instead I used Dr. Low’s tools to make my mental health my top priority. For this I gave myself a hearty endorsement!

I endorsed for writing this post.

Valuing function over feeling

We can function even with our anxious symptoms.

On the surface, this statement appears obvious. But when in the throes of a deep panic, it can be difficult to remember this extremely important lesson.

When I'm extremely anxious, the "stranger in the brain" warns me to not continue what I'm doing. Obviously, the task at hand is distressing, so it must be stopped, or so the brain reasons. But through Recovery I've learned that these thoughts are distressing but not dangerous and that thoughts and impulses can be controlled. I can move my muscles and complete the activity (washing dishes, closing a door, reading a book, and so on) and, by doing so, my muscles will reprogram the rattling brain.

I have been attending Recovery meetings for about six months now, and I'm pleased that Dr. Low's comments are starting to pop into my mind without much conscious effort. For example, the other day a co-worker's response to my e-mail caused an initial flare of temper. But instead of working it up, I quickly spotted my symptoms—and remembered that temper creates tenseness which leads to more symptoms. Within minutes the temper passed (And perhaps it's no surprise that I can't remember what that e-mail was about!). I apply the same principle when on the road. It's so easy to slam the horn when someone cuts you off or moves too slowly through an intersection, but the resulting "symbolic victory" is not worth the temper—and guilt—sure to follow.

I endorsed for writing this post.