Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Doing 'what we fear and hate to do'

Last week I traveled to England for work. It was my longest flight, with about seven hours in the air between New York and London. I had never been on a larger plane (a 767), and I had never traveled outside of the United States (except for road trips to Canada).

I was nervous before leaving--not only because of the flight, but I would be in a new country. I excused instead of accused myself, recognizing that any person would be anxious in such a situation. Instead of working myself up, I worked the situation out by conducting online research about what to expect when traveling to the UK. I acknowledged that anticipation is often worse than realization.

There were some uncomfortable moments during my travels, but by not allowing my fears to take control I was able to get through the experience--and even enjoy my time there. I endorsed myself for challenging myself and tackling my uncomfortable symptoms.

When nervous people are faced with a new or unexpected event, our usual reaction is to respond that "I can't do that" or "I won't do that." Yet a person in Recovery recognizes that obligations need to come before inclinations--in my case, traveling internationally when I'd prefer not to because I would be uncomfortable. And when we do things that we "fear and hate to do," we can be surprised and delighted about how much we can do, even when we are anxious.

45 comments:

Jeff Harmsen said...

Hi Doug,
Congratulations on a successful trip! I've been struggling with agoraphobia for 25 years. For about a year now, however, I've made great progress with mindful meditation. During this focussing technique, I've come up with 180 tenets that help me master a sense of calm. Funny thing is many of the things I've realized are similar to what's found on your blog. Perhaps we're on a similar path. One thing that helps me get by is writing and poetry. If you have a minute, check out my blog.
Keep up the good work, I'll keep in touch with your posts.
Jeff Harmsen

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Unknown said...

Congratulations!!! I'm new to blogger and I just wanted to check out some new blogs, I find myself extremely anxious whenever I have to travel. I like your idea of researching what to expect when arriving in a new place! I've been starting to become a bit agrophobic and I have a trio coming up and I will definitely use some of your tips!
Thanks!

Jeff Harmsen said...

Hi cm Grue,
Have you tried mindful meditation? After 25 years of struggling with agoraphobia, I've been experiencing breakthroughs. If you'd like to hear more about it, you can find my email address in my profile.
Welcome to blogging,
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reading your posts is quite interesting and informative, i to have a blog about my anxiety. two quick questions. how do you stop your fears take control is ther any method in particular? and i currently live in the uk and was wondering how your trip went?

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For me what you did was very brave . My daily commute to work is under 2 miles yet I'll shake and worry every night before getting too sleep thinking something bad will happen at work . It's nice to know some of us are learning to conquer our fears. Good luck for the future

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Whitney Hawkins said...

I love this post. As someone who runs a mental health blog, It's so great to hear an anxiety sufferer's perspective in their own words. I agree that it can be so liberating/invigorating to push yourself past boundaries, especially boundaries you thought you'd never cross. Traveling can be so difficult for many.

Super brave of you to share this with the world. If you ever want to check out ways to manage anxiety and stress feel free to check out my site www.stressfreewithwhitney.com. I'd love to collaborate in the future!

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I admire your courage! Long flights are not easy for anxious people. I remember myself traveling from Europe to the US and those 11 hours indeed went okay even I was scared to death for even thinking of traveling. I had some Valium with me but as far as I remember I didn't have to use it. Sometimes you just have to face your fears. You might get surprised: it's not that scary in the end, actually, you might even enjoying the thing!

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Lisa said...

Hello,

I have had anxiety for a very long time. I never used to talk about it with anyone. Now, being in my thirties. I am getting the help necessary. I have a show on blogtalkadio.com. On January 22, at 630pm, I will be discussing the topic. I think it's great to talk about anxiety. People do need to know that they are not alone. I would love it someone would like to be a guest of mine on the show. Or you can just listen.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/lisatalksit

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I went to my first Recovery Int. meeting and i think i have finally found a method to deal with my self-defeating thoughts. Great article and blog. keep on sharing!

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You have done well to analyze things and isolate the fear to a corner, where it no longer has the same volume. Researching things is always a great way to limit the unknown and control anxiety.

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Austin Armstrong said...

Hi Doug, thank you so much for sharing your journey with us all! I struggle with anxiety as well and recently wrote a blog with a few tips that have worked for me on how to overcome it. I would love to hear your (or others) opinions on these methods! http://therapycable.com/blog/5-tips-for-how-to-overcome-anxiety.html

Cara said...

Doug,

I enjoyed reading your post because I react the same exact way. Because of the OCD within me from anxiety, I freak out if I go outside of my comfort zone or do something that is not on my schedule. During the Holidays, my boyfriend surprised me with a trip to New Orleans and I was super excited, but I was also terrified. I was scared because it is a new place, a new environment, and new people...a lot of people. But you know what? I am so happy I agreed to finally get out of my bubble and go because it was a fun time, and I enjoyed seeing a different culture. As hard as it was when it came to packing and actually driving to New Orleans, I kept doing what I could to only put positive thoughts in my head. I am looking forward into reading more of your posts!

Cara
cmdevenney@mix.wvu.edu
www.devenneycara.wordpress.com

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